I am an arms dealer fitting you with weapons in the form of words

On Friday night Denise, Brandon, Bridget and I went to go see the movie Valkyrie. Boy, what a fiasco that was. We first went to the del amo mall to see it and the line was so incredibly long that we would miss the show that we had got there for. So then we went to rolling hills and there was no lights on at all the parking lots. And there was absolutely no parking. We drove everywhere looking for parking. I was ready to give up after like a half an hour when someone backed out. We really didn’t want to go to any late showings but when Denise went to go pay with her credit card for the 8:00 show so it would be faster, it was already sold out. By this time I was angry, I went to two places to see this movie.. I WAS GOING TO SEE IT! I had already planned on seeing so it was going to happen. We decided to stay for the 10:05 showing. Unfortunately this left us with two hours of free time. We couldn’t go somewhere in my car, because then we will lose the parking spot. So we decided that we would eat very slowly at Island’s. All of us had already eaten, but we needed something to do. It was also freezing outside. We ate faster than we wanted to and ended up just sitting inside the theatre waiting for them to let us in.

The movie was very good. Though Denise and I found ourselves stressing out even though we all knew what the outcome would be. I was glad that they made that movie, all you ever hear about in school is how the Germans were horrible people. No one ever talks about how not everyone agreed with what was going on. Even though this was a great movie, we didn’t understand why we were so bent on seeing it. It is just unbelievable how one man can convince a whole nation of something that’s not even true.

now if she does it like this, will you do it like that?

so a lot of people say that you are like your friends. I agree with this to a certain extent. I am my own person and I want to keep it that way, but there are certain things that I know i pick up. Like my coworkers and my boss all played mafia one night and my boss kept saying "CLEARLY!" and so to make fun of him we would say it all the time and now I say it all the time in my everyday vernacular. haha. But I pick up other things too, for example, if my friends are trying to always do what is right, I will want to do the same. I am realizing how important it is to surround yourself with people that will help you.

I've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match, what a catch

Some of you may know that I am learning Japanese for fun. So I decided to go and and find out how to say " merry Christmas" in Japanese. They didn't have it in any of my books so I went online. Unfortunately.. it's just the same as in English. But I did see somethings that I thought was funny. Apparently Christmas is very important to young women. They must have a guy to be with and to shower them in gifts... especially really expensive gifts. Girls with boyfriends like to show off to single depressed girls. Silly huh? .. Well I was thinking that it's not too much different than it is here. I mean.. no one wants to spend Christmas alone. But I guess it's not as extreme as it is there. I just found it amusing. I don't even remember why I am posting this

They know you’re just a boy, so grow up and be that man

It seems to me more and more that the choices we make are not only for ourselves but others. We don’t consciously think about it, but what we do affects the others around us. For example I have seen many instances where people are just not living up to what they need to be and in turn I end up suffering for it. Instead of doing the right thing, or just not thinking things through, whatever people decide to do, we all have to deal with the outcome. At first I was only thinking about others and how they have affected me, but now I see that I too must watch what I do because the same goes for me. If everyone was trying to be the best that they could be, things would be a lot different. So I know that personally, I will be always striving to make the best choice possible, rather than a rash one.

nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

So today the new fall out boy cd came out! ( did u really expect me not to blog about this? haha) I just started listening to it. And I am soo happy. What I have heard is great! I specifically remember the day that their last cd came out because I was allowed to skip school because the night before was a late night. .. the night my dad walked out. I remember buying the cd at target and wondering what the future held. luckily fall out boy didn't let me down and they had a great cd. Now a little over a year later things may not be perfect.. but they are pretty good. .. and fall out boy is still in my heart. ( even though I can't love pete wentz anymore because he is married and has a child)

tagged

1) Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate most definately. Egg nog is beyond disgusting!

2) Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? sits them under the tree

3) Colored lights or white? it depends

4) Do you hang mistletoe? no.. I have no one to kiss. eh heh eh heh ... haha

5) When do you get out your decorations? well, mother decorates... and like the day after thanksgiving.

6) Favorite holiday dish, excluding dessert? either rolls or mashed potatoes

7) Favorite holiday memory as a child? maybe when one of my aunts on my dad's side threatened my brother and said she was going to rip his arm off... I was scarred for life.. but it is amusing.. now that she is not around.. haha

8) When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I really have no idea.. I just think I always knew. haha

9) Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? no

10) How do you decorate your trees? with ornaments and lights.. but currently I don't have one due to having 5 cats

11) Snow, love it or hate it? I have never really been in real snow.. so idk

12) Can you ice skate? yes, i'm not pro status but I like it!

13) Do you remember your favorite gift? I can't really pin point a favorite...

14) What is the most important thing about the holidays for you? Jesus <3

15) Favorite Holiday dessert? cookies

16) Favorite Christmas tradition? opening presants

17) What tops your tree? an angel

18) What's better giving or receiving? giving :D

19) Favorite Christmas song? mary did you know?

20) Candy Canes, yummy or yucky? yummy if I'm in the mood

21) What do you want for Christmas? i'm not sure

22) Do you attend an annual Christmas Party? no

23) Do you dress up for Christmas eve? if there is a service at church yes

24) Do you own a Santa Hat? yes.. it's a pooh one!

25) Who do you normally spend Christmas with? my family

You know what's next right? Time to tag people
um, hattie.. cassi,,.. anyone else who hasn't been tagged ( i really don't know who has been tagged)

the carol of the bell?

A year ago I bought a large silver bell with stars on it. Why you may ask? Well, every time I would work with my coworker she would always run into me. She would always say, “ Wear a bell!” So, as a joke I bought it to strap onto myself the next time I worked with her. Unfortunately I never work with her. ( it probably has something to do with the fact that all we do is talk ) so I never got to use it. Occasionally my kittens would play with it, thought most times it was too big for them and too loud for me to deal with. So the other day, Saturday, was a busy morning. There was an at&t guy that was coming in and out tearing up the house trying to fix our broken internet. ( which is still broken because we need a new modem) The door bell rang once again and this time it was a woman with a few young girls from a youth group on a scavenger hunt. I remember the days when I used to do those. They were fun. So me and Brandon were still in our pjs and the girls wanted to take a picture with our happy birthday Jesus flag. Apparently that was on their list. Along with a Christmas napkin or paper towel. Little did they know that they had hit the jackpot at our house. But the last thing that they needed was a jingle bell. Brandon took off to find one, because we have a ton of crafty random things in our house. But then I remembered that stupid bell. I ran it out to them and they were beyond excited. They were so happy about it. It tickled me. I’m glad that instead of it being used for a one minute sarcastic joke, it made some little girls’ day.

I haven't blogged in ages

Gerard Butler... that's all I have to say.

who said that it's better to have loved and lost I wish that I had never loved at all

So I think that i take love for granted. Last week in youth, the missionary girl that we are going to be supporting came and spoke. Missionaries always intrigue me because I just don't see how they can do it. She is a missionary to Thailand and she was talking about how the people there don't know what love is. they are taught to just have good karma for themselves, not think about others. She was saying that they reach out to the people by showing them God's love and people don't understand why she cares about them. If someone does something nice for me I just think.. "oh that's nice" it doesn't puzzle me. I am glad that I live in a country where I know the love of God and where people can love each other. That sounds kind of hippie-ish.. but whatever.

You hold the future in Your hand, You know my dreams and You have a plan

So I started reading Kate Gosselin’s book, Multiple Blessings. She starts the book off with talking about how she has to and always has had to plan everything out. Now, no matter how much I don’t want to be like Kate, I am the same way. I plan out each day. Basically every minute I am planning what I will do next. And when my plans get ruined I am very upset. But she said something that really clicked. She started talking about how her future is very well-planned. I never really thought about that. God is a planner and He has my whole life planned out. It’s weird to think about, but anything that I dream up, or plan is nothing compared to what He has. So I am excited to see how my life will unfold. ( though I really hope that my future doesn’t bring sextuplets like Kate’s did… because I seriously don’t think I could handle it. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t made for that. Haha)

everything everything's magic

So Friday night ended up being quite a surprise. That day I didn’t think I was going to be doing anything really exciting considering work had caused me to miss out on plans. So I got off of work, ate something and Denise decided that we needed to do something. So we decided that we should go see a movie but we couldn’t agree on one. So then she decides that we should just go to Disney land and buy passes. So we just left. It was the most adventurous thing that I have done .. ever. Haha. I haven’t been to Disneyland in ages. It was so amazing. I went on all the rides that had been changed. It hadn’t been the best day, but it was the greatest way to end it… and the happiest place on earth.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like You, cause it gives and it takes away

So I recently purchased a Thrice cd. Not their latest, but the one before that. ( I am behind in buying music) One song stood out to me, it’s called Open Water. That is where the title of this blog is from. In thinking about that I started to compare God to the ocean. Not only does He give and take away, but He is big. Really big. Also, we know a lot about Him, but we still don’t know everything, and we never will. Just like how we can’t control or know what exactly the ocean is going to do at all times, we don’t know what God has planned or what He is going to do. In thinking about that, it reminded me that God is in control and all of this election stuff and the changes that will be happening in our country are in His hands.

you say you want a revolution? Well, you know, we all want to change the world.

Today is election day. my first time ever voting which is kind of cool. It makes me feel grown up and patriotic. I never have gotten into politics before and I really in all honesty don't know too much, but I know enough. I knew that I couldn't just not vote, there were too many issues that were important. And if I didn't vote, I would be held responsible before God. I was scared to go. I hate doing things by myself especially things that I haven't done before, but I did it and I got a sticker. I kind of felt stupid because I didn't know what to do. But how am I supposed to know?! So, we will see what happens. If I watch most of the coverage tonight and write about it, I get extra credit in history. And I really need extra credit, so .. it looks like I will be staying up late.

do you remember when we were just kids and cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss

My cousin just had her first baby a week ago. This is a big deal because this is like the first baby born in our family. You know what I mean? So basically it is going to be spoiled. I am excited for it I really am, but, I am kind of dreading what will come with it. My aunt and uncle constantly bragging. My little cousin thinking she is all big since she is an aunt now. All they care about is themselves. They have nothing more to live for. I wish that circumstances could be better. I wish that I didn’t feel this way. But they haven’t been there for us at all, they are always in their own world, and I just know that it is going to be so nauseating. It’s not the baby’s fault or anything but it’s just going to be tough. I really just don’t understand my extended family at all. Why is it that when people need the most, other people back away? My aunt and uncle also pick my sister up from school sometimes and they will see my father delivering mail and they will just stop to talk to him like they are the best of friends. It upsets my sister and puts her in an awkward situation. They act like everything is okay. I’m not saying they need to hate him, I’m just saying they could think of someone other them themselves for more than two seconds and not have my sister be near my dad for more than she has to. Understanding/really loving them is going to be the next mountain I will have to climb, because it seems like every day they just make it harder and harder. I know that God gave us families for a reason, but I think He gave me mine to show me how they aren’t supposed to be. It’s just weird how things have changed in a short matter of time. They aren’t the family of my childhood anymore. I love this baby she is so beautiful , maybe she will bring our family together. Who knows.

words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

So I realized that October is drawing to an end and soon it will be November. This makes me think of Thanksgiving, which is my second favorite holiday. I know that it is a ways a way, but I was thinking about how I never really stop and think about what I am thankful for. So I decided that I will do that now so I can dwell on it for the month of November. I’m sure that many of you will have the same list. ( note: these are not in any specific order)

1. 1. Jesus and all that he has done for me and is continuing to do

2. 2. My family

3. 3. My friends

4. 4. My job

5. 5. My house

6. 6. My cats ( yes, all 3,000 of them)

7. 7. Cute clothes

8. 8. All things delicious

9. 9. Nail polish

10. 10. Music

11. 11.Books and magazines

12. 12. Fall out boy

13. 13. Electricity

14. 14. The internet

15. 15. Soap

16. 16. Indoor plumbing

17. 17. Hot Australian men

18. 18. The Gosselins ( except for Maddy, and I’m only thankful for Kate since she birthed the children)

19. 19. Sea World ( and most marine life)

20. 20. Disneyland ( even though I haven’t been in forever)

21. 21.Razors

22. 22. Tattoos ( and the artists who give them)

23. 23. My church

24. 24. Underwear

25. 25. Asians ( there are many things in this category including: asian children, the japanese language, their food, chopsticks, technology (esp. ipods and my car) and hello kitty)

26. 26. Pillows

27. 27. Gel pens

28. 28. My children

29. 29. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost

30. 30. Sunglasses and sunblock

31. 31. Hand sanitizer

32. 32. Tooth paste and tooth brushes

33. 33. Unlimited texting

34. 34. Blankets

35. 35. Giraffes

36. 36. Polar bears

37. 37. Toilet paper

I could really go on and on, so I will stop now. I think those are the main points anyway.

I should have known better with a girl like you, that I would love everything that you do, and I do, hey hey hey, and I do!

Yes, so, this is yet another blog about myself. I know that is weird but I think I have finally realized what it is to truly understand the importance of myself and how I truly am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have struggled with self-esteem all throughout jr.high and high school and I have dealt with it pretty well in my college life so far, but now I think I am completely done with that. I have realized that the best thing that I could ever do for myself is to… be myself. Lately I have been comparing myself. Seeing what others have, but not taking into consideration what I have. It would really get me down. But then I realized that everyone has things to offer, including myself. And the things that make me different from others is what makes me, me. And people will appreciate those things, maybe not everyone in the same way, but some will. And that is what is important. God didn’t make one person and say this is the image we must live up to. He made us differently so we could be different. I am thankful that I am not like everyone else. I think that if everyone gets that into their head, then things will be a lot different. There was a book I read a while ago called, the Dashwood Sister’s Secrets of Love. (It’s some girly book) But there was a quote from it that I thought was cute, “Love is a bit like a doodle by Van Gogh, your lopsided circle could be a masterpiece to someone else.” I know this is dealing with love, but I think that it could also just be in general. Some of the things that I don’t think are very special about me ( like the fact that I giggle.. like mickey mouse) people take notice of. I think the little different things about us are God’s little details that He had fun putting in His children.

we're only good for the latest trends (fall out blog)

So Fall Out Boy has put up 3 new songs from their upcoming album on itunes so you can purchase them early. This is great fun not only for me, but for them, because they know that they are making money off of people like me who can’t just wait to buy the cd, but must buy the songs now, for .99 cents each. I know that it is a rip off.. but I just couldn’t help myself! I love them so! Each one of the songs is very different from the other and from what FOB normally does. Though they are different, doesn’t mean they aren’t good. They are. Very much so in fact and I like them very much. They will get ridiculed I know. I don’t understand why people can’t just accept it when a band goes a different way. Music is an expression of one’s self. Peoples tastes change. This is what happens. It is the band’s music and they should be able to explore if they want to. You can’t expect them to continue to sound exactly like they did 7 years ago when they started. They are being influenced by different things then they were then. So I am excited to see what all they will provide for us with the rest of their new album. But until then,… I will do with the 3 that I have now.

This operation's been abandoned once again

So I failed the special k challenge. Haha. I didn’t finish it. I had like 5 days to go. I only lost like one pound. It really wasn’t worth it. I also found myself gorging when it came to dinner because that is the only time that I could eat something not special k related. Haha. Now, I know what you are all thinking.. I know that I don’t need to lose weight. So it’s not like it’s a big deal. But I would like to get rid of the pooch. And that is why I did it. I guess I just need to do 1,000 crunches a day. My coworker says that is what Britney Spears does. Haha. So we will see how that works out. Don’t think that I don’t appreciate myself, because I do. But if I find an opportunity to make myself better, I will take it. So I am going to be eating normally again, well, maybe not like I used to. But we will see what happens.

it's not my fault i'm such an aweful mess and more

So last night I finished my Bible study homework. There was a section about the sins u know are sins and the things you know that you need to do but don't. I realized there are many things that I'm not doing.. more than what I do actually do. haha I think it will always be this way.. but it is kind of overwhelming!

and don't u know that it's just you, hey jude, you'll do. The movement you need is on your shoulder

So lately I have been realizing the importance of myself. I know that might sound weird.. but it doesn't to me. I have realized that God can do many many things for me.. but there are somethings I have to do myself. One of these things is being confident in who I am. now I know that i am amazing and all, but I really need to focus on that. I think so many times I think too much about what others will think. This reminds me of the newest falloutboy single I don't Care. The lyrics say "i don't care what u think as long as it's about me" These are very pete wentz lyrics. And at first I was appalled. How could someone say that? and then i realized i just cared too much . I need to recognize MY feelings. Don't those matter? They should.. and to me. I need to just take a stand and live my life. Not caring what others think and not caring about what others will do. I also realized that I am scared to disappoint people or have people disappoint me. After everything with my dad went down, I have felt like I can't trust. Especially I can't even think about commitment. Like I know that I want to get married someday but I just feel like what's the point. Both my grandma and mother had their husbands leave them, why shouldn't I? I know that is wrong thinking but it was always in the back of my mind. Me and a coworker were talking (her bf just cheated on her) and she was saying that she knows that she can't just live in fear. She knows that she did all she could for that relationship and that was that. All we can do is be the best that we can be. I think that is true. I can't hold myself back from experiencing things. So that is what I will be working on .

chasing a lion in a hardcore pit on a windy day

So last night was the start of our Bible study. It will about chasing the lions in our lives. I have had the privilege to chase two lions all within a matter of two weeks. The first being meeting with my father and the second I chased last night on the way home.. when I was peer pressured by denise and bridget to get on the freeway.. something I have never done. Though I know I need to and want to.. it scared me. But I did it and survived to tell about it. I really like this chasing lion thing.. though it makes me want to puke. Afterward I feel all better.
Another thing that I really like is hardcore shows. I have been to one every week for the last 3 weeks. I am extremely amused by the hardcore "dancing" or whatever u want to call it these days. It never fails to make me laugh. I often think about when I have children what they will be doing at these sort of things. The scene has changed so drastically from when I was 12 and going all the time. For instance nobody sweated on me and I still look nice with my hair in place. Not to mention I am wearing a very cute sweater that I wore inside and did not get too hot. I love the fact that the room is filled with boys my age with sagging tight pants, stretched ears, and hair all over the place. From hardcore shows I have learned the importance of fellow females. At these things we are the minority and it feels good to have someone like u there. Though this also presents a problem. Every girl is trying to be the cutest and thinking the other is a slut. Everyone is territorial of the boys that aren't even ours.. but we wish they were.. and that is why we go.

our lives in general are one in the same

So I have had an amazing weekend so far. Last night I saw Mxpx for the third time. it was so grand I can't even explain it. They never let me down. They always deliver a great show with great songs and ... of course.... the bass toss! It's classic and amazing. I wish I had that many basses,, so that I could throw them around.. but sadly I am not mike. And it was soo completely adorable.. this guy came up on stage and proposed to his girlfriend. It was so magical! It was a great night. We were in the very front and then afterwards we got to talk to them. But now I am tired.. so I will go.

could it be the weather?

so today is one of those days where I just woke up irritated. Maybe it had to do with the fact that there is still construction being done and I still can't park by my house... idk. I just can't wait till after school tomorrow.. and then it's party time!!!

I love the word glorious

I love this song by David Crowder. It makes me happy to remember Who made me.

Everything Glorious

The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than it's hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory
You are glorious You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe that


You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious.
You are glorious. You are glorious.

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

well, I did it folks

So, I did what I felt needed to be done. I went and saw my dad. Now, this wasn't just some random decision. I knew for a long time that this is what needed to be done. I know that God didn't want me to be bitter forever and never see him again. It was really hard to tell my mom that I would be seeing him. I have had such a stressful week. She didn't understand. I felt like I was being pulled apart at every limb. There was what I knew God wanted me to do which was see him. And my dad wanted me to see him too. While I didn't want to and my mom definitely didn't want me to. Apparently my decision hurt her. I think she is scared that I would leave her. So there was much tension. But I went through with it and saw him yesterday. I went with my sister and we met him at the restaurant. I couldn't even look at him for a while. Then we awkwardly made small talk. I think he thinks it could be back to the way things could be. And it can't . And it never will be no matter how hard I try. We ate so quickly that the whole thing was over in less than an hour. Thank God! When we left he hugged me and said he loved me. I looked at him and tried to find some emotion, some feeling.. and I couldn't. No words came out. I couldn't even fake it. I didn't say anything back. I feel bad. But it was like I was mute. Then me and beth got out of their as fast as we could. I did what I had to do. I think now that I am not sorry about what had gone on and the fact that my family and life is very different. If none of this had gone down, I would have never know what it was to really have faith and to fully rely on God. I used to be sad that things aren't the way they were, but I really am not anymore. I am ready for new things and a new life that God has in store.

blogging

I enjoy blogging because I love to hear all the knowledge and advice that everyone has to offer me. I really appreciate it.

maybe whale training isn't my calling?

So today I got my first paper back in english. It was a timed in-class essay. Marie Barteld is my teacher so I would joke around with my brother that I have to get an "a" in her class because she knows me. haha. But I got my paper back and she said it was a perfect paper the best she has read so far! geez! And there were no grammatical errors at all so when the other students were fixing what they did wrong, I had nothing to do. haha. So that made me feel good. And she thinks that I should definitely do something with writing in my life... I never told her how I thought about changing majors... so.. now, idk what I should do

and so it goes

so i have been making improvements on my problem. Of course I know it is gonna be a gradual thing, but what I have realized is that some of the people that are the hardest to love, ... are those related to me. This is indeed a problem but all I can do is keep asking God to help me love people like He loves me. That is what I am working on now.

I get by with a little help from my friends

So I have had an issue.. a problem that I just can't seem to get over. And I really need to get over it in order for me to have a better relationship with God, which is what I really want. My problem... : I really don't like people. .. Oh of course I like my friends.. and the people who tip at work.. but other than that... I really don't like people. I think they are stupid and rude. I know some persons like people.. like Denise and my mom .. oh and Jesus... and I just don't. I have tried to like people, I really have. I have prayed to God to change my heart.. but I need help. If u think about it please pray for me. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until the other day. I was reading the Bible. Luke 23. And I came to the part where Jesus is being crucified and he says, " Father forgive them for they know not what they do." and I wanted to throw up. I was so disgusted with myself. Here Jesus has people treating him so inhumanely it's indescribable and he wants to forgive them. And I am treated badly by a customer and I want to write off all humanity and never deal with them again. I just don't understand it. Clearly there is something wrong... and I am ready for it to be right. But it is very very hard.

That's what she said

So basically I have been watching season 4 of the office on dvd... and I really can't wait til season 5! I really love that show.. it always makes me happy..( thanks goes to candice for introducing me)

Things r looking up

So I know a few posts ago I was talking about a new job.. well, now it looks as if I won't need one. Basically my boss is letting me have the perfect schedule and I am working some major hours but I get the two days I am at school off. So it is really helping a lot. And he is nice to me now! He used to be such a jerk... and only to me! But now everything is all good.. it makes me happy... oh and ... I officially have 5 cats! ( that is what happens when your mom finds cats.. brings them home.. tried to force them on people.. and then they can't take care of them) just to let u know!



that is what all the cats do... they come to my mom

surviving the wilderness

So I went to June lake with the Holmes, Candice, and Phil. I will explain my adventure from the start.
Saturday.. not a good day. I had just a bad day at work and it wasn't good. But when I got home I had to pack. ( This is when the day got better) and then.. it was the first official night of the olympics. Now, I love the Olympics for many reasons, 1. people from almost every country in the world come together 2. I love to read the foreign peoples names.. it's loads of fun. 3. I like to watch people that r much more talented than me.. and finally 4. HOT MEN! There are always hot men. and especially the summer olympics because... MICHAEL PHELPS! So candice came and got me and we went to the Holmes' home. There I made Shanna change the channel on the tv so we could watch michael win his first gold medal of the year. Then we slept for a little while then started the drive. We had all made mix cds to listen to. And they were all pretty good. So then we got there. We saw mountains and stuff. Then we went to the lake. I have never been to a lake b 4 so it was pretty cool cuz there wasn't any seaweed or waves. It was freezing and took my about half and hour to get in. When I did I realized that there was lake olympics going on. Apparently america won. Oh and then after that we watched the discovery channel and learned how to survive if we are lost at sea or in the snow wilderness. Then wayyyy later on some of us watched the olympics while candice and stacee went to bed. It was very exciting and Michael got really excited and so did we. So much so that I couldn't stop laughing. It was midnight and susanna and I tried to go to bed quietly but we ended up waking candice and stacee up because we couldn't stop laughing for some reason.
So the next day we went sight seeing and we walked in the wilderness to an ugly lake. I was in sandals and my feet got dirty. There was also horse poo. But then we went to convict lake and I almost died while being adventurous and trying to clean off my feet. We also stopped and had photo opportunities. and then we went home. So it was cool.

something that we all need to learn

So I have been slowly reading this book that my mother gave me at the beginning of the year. It's an amazing book but I just never have time to read. Every time I read it, I learn something new. It is called Become a Better you by Joel Osteen. At first I was like,, or not. His picture is on the front with his big toothy grin and the picture of him and his wife in the back is just scary it looks so fake. But I started to read it anyway. Today I got to a chapter called, learning to like yourself. I am going to share some of it with you it really spoke a lot.

" Jesus said, "love your neighbor as yourself" Notice the prerequisite to loving others is to love yourself. If you don't have a healthy respect for who you are, and if you don't learn to accept yourself faults and all, you will never be able to properly love other people. Unfortunately, self- loathing destroys many relationships nowadays.
I've met many people who think that their spouse is the reason they can't get along in their marriage. Or they're sure it's their coworker's fault, but the act is they have a civil war raging on the inside. They don't like their looks, they don't like where they are in life, they are upset because they haven't broken a bad habit, and that poison spills out into their relationships.
Understand, you can't give away what you don't have. If you don't love yourself you aren't going to be able to love others. If you're at strife on the inside, feeling angry or insecure about yourself, feeling unattractive, feeling condemned, then that's all you can give away. On the other hand, if you'll recognize that God is working on you, and in spite of your flaws and weaknesses, you can learn to accept yourself. Then you can give that love away and have healthy relationships. ....
That's why it's so important that you feel good about who you are. You may have some faults. You may have some things you wish you could change about yourself. Well, join the crowd. We all do. But lighten up and quit being so hard on yourself. Interestingly, we might never criticize another person or tell him or her, "You are really dumb; You're unattractive, you're undisciplined, I don't like you." Yet we don't have a problem saying it to ourselves. But understand that when you criticize yourself, you are criticizing God's ultimate creation....
Many people are their own worst enemies. "Well, I'm so over weight. I've blown my diet. I don't spend enough time with my children. I am so undisciplined. I didn't even clean my house last week. Surely, God is not pleased with me."
Don't step into that trap. The Scripture indicates that God has already approved and accepted you. It doesn't say God approves you as long as you live a perfect life. No, it says God approves you unconditionally, just as you are. Frankly, it's not because of what you have or haven't done; God loves you because of who you are and who He is. God is Love. You are a child of the most high God. If God approves you, Why don't you approve yourself? Shake off guilt, condemnation, inadequacies, and a sense that you can't measure up and start feeling good about who you are."

So that is just the first 2 pages. I haven't even read the rest of the chapter

maybe getting a new job sooner than expected

so I want a new job. Like real bad. And I have applied at different places, but didn't get hired. So I decided to stay at penguins for the summer since it is our busiest time and I will be getting a lot of hours. ( which I am) But now I am thinking that maybe I should work a little harder at getting a new job because across the way, there is a "yogurt island" that will be opening soon. It looks really cool, I'm not gonna lie. Like 12000 times better than penguins. And the little asian spies come over to our place and sample every flavor and then leave. Or they just come and hang out. It's weird. And pretty messed up since penguins has been there for over 20 years! And who needs two yogurt shops in the same shopping center let alone the same vecinity! So idk what is going to go on with that but we are definately going to go out of business!

the nazis are invading

So I know this is going to sound weird, but.. my cat is a nazi. My cat Dizzle. Everynight ( or early morning rather) she attacks me in my sleep.. Brutally. At first I thought it was because she wanted to be petted, but even when I pet her she still attacks me. Well, the other day my brother and I were staying up late watching a movie or something and Dizzle just starts putting her paw in the air. Hailing Hitler. There was nothing for her to swat at so that couldn't have been why she was doing it. And then it all came together. She likes to attack me because I am not blond and blue eyed. So basically she is going to kill me and my siblings and let my mother live. So we decided that I would have to write a diary called "The Diary of Brittany Garcia" and all jr.highers would have to read it. And in discussing this with Candice, we have realized that there are more nazis than just my cat. For example, the once beloved steve trainer ( the hot personal trainer at ballys whom I was supposed to marry) is indeed a nazi. He didn't pick up my towel when it fell behind me on the treadmil. He walked by, stopped looked at it, looked at me and kept walking. If I were blonde, I'm sure he would have picked it up. So all of you who aren't blond.. watch out the nazis are back!

why was I given this family?

So I have never really stopped and thought about my family before all this crap with my dad went down. And I'm talking about my extended family. I know that God gave me this family for a reason.. but I just can't see it. It's like I would be beter off without a family. The poeple on my dad's side don't even know who the heck I am! And I wish I could say that it's better on my moms side. On the one hand I could say that.. I mean.. after all I do get presants from that side... but they still don't know me either. Some of them aren't related to me, but that shouldn't matter right? And what really angers me is that they don't care that they don't know me!! I am going to move away from talking about my dad's side because they are always drunk anyway and I won't be seeing them. So anyway.. and it's not just that they don't know me it's the fact that we were never close. I see people who are truly close to their grandparents.. and i'm not. I know a bunch of stuff about them but what do they know about me? .. oh that i go to dominguez hills. My cousing freaking thought I was still in highschool! and that was as of a week ago! And they weren't even involved in my life until my real grandma died. wtf. And what really angers me is the fact that families are supposed to be there for each other. When all this dad drama went down.. they didn't help us ( and still don't) all they do is tell my mom how she's never going to survive with what she's making and how she won't be able to keep the house ..etc.. basically anything negative. But then they can go and buy new cars! they all do! wtf. but they have no money to help us out. Whatevs. I don't need you! We got sooo much help and support from the church it's insane! and my own family couldn't even offer a kind word! My grandpa and step-grandmother offered to help me with school. But whenever I would have them help me, it was like the end of the world! U freaking can buy a car but can't willingly give me $200 that u said you would? idk. I just majorly vented. But it makes me sad that I don't have a family who is close and really knows me.

what a weekend!

I had a marvelous weekend. Saturday I took Candice to her first hardcore show with stacee susanna and omar. It was kind of weird because it was a house show. My friends band was playing. But it was fun. Then on Sunday I got another tattoo and saw Prince caspian. Prince Capspian was good, ,.. but it doesn't follow the book ( and I have already discussed how I love the book) So that was my grand weekend!

college

So after next week I will have completed my first year in college! I really can't believe it. I have learned so much already. Going into it, I was scared out of my mind. I thought it was going to be sooo hard. On the first day of school I felt so out of place and so young. Everyone seemed so much older than me. ( some really were which I was not used to) Now I don't feel that way anymore. My first semester was really easy. Easier than most of my highschool semesters, but second semester.. I can't say the same. I went into college thinking that I would just do my work and get through school. I wouldn't have to talk to anyone, but I've met many people and it makes school not only easier, but a lot more fun too. ( Since I don't naturally love school like percey does) I also learned that procrastination isn't all that bad. I used to never procrastinate, But now it seems inevitable with work and all. When I was in highschool all I did was go to school. But now it seems I have no time. I really like college. I like the fact that I don't have to go to school all day, and I get to not go to class if I know that I don't have to or need the time to do something else. There is so much more freedom. I am happy that I choose the school that I did and I am glad that I have completed what I have so far. ( hopefully I do well, on my finals next week so I can continue to be proud of myself!) I feel like a big kid now! :)

my narnia post

So Prince Caspian is coming out soon and I am supremely excited. That is my favorite book out of all 7. It deals a lot with faith and courage. Both of which are very important. Of coarse the story of Aslan dying for Narnia is ultra important too. I always thought that Aslan was a better example of God then, lets say the passion of the Christ. For example, I was really sad in that movie, but I was ultra sad when Aslan died. Is it because he's a cute Lion? I'm sure that helps but now I think I know why. I think it is just so much easier to see all the aspects of who God is with Aslan, he is mighty, yet loving, and fatherly too. And I just want to hug him!

Completely unmotivated

So I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. But.. I have to, can't skip because I only have two weeks left and finals week. So I am supremely excited about almost being out of school. And no summer classes for me! Just work... and fun. And hopefully marrying Steve Trainer in the parking lot in between penguins and Bally's. hehehe. So I have decided that I haven't had anything insightful to say since I got this thing. and .. I'm sorry. So I will get off for now.

my first real blog

Yay! It's Friday. I do love Fridays! And I also do feel very special being on here with everyone else now! Anyway.. so my birthday is coming up in a little over a month. Now, normally I really don't care. I mean. I'm just getting a year older. What's the big deal? But then I realized.. I'm at a really good age. Not only do I get to do things like get tattoos and percings.. but I am like at my prime. I know this sounds stupid. But when I was in highschool I was always upset because all the hot guys were like 20 and over and I was just a child.. but now...boys start getting cute at this age. And that.. is exciting. !

This is new to me

So this is my blog thing. And I am new to it.