Is anyone watching idol?

So obviously I am watching american idol and I absolutely love Andrew Garcia. He is so great! And then to top it off this week he did a fall out boy song. He should be the winner. So if you are watching or aren't you should vote for him. (I also think that the guy, Lee Dewyze is cute, but he is no where near amazing)

vote for andrew!

im back

So this will officially be my last Al post ( yay im sure u are all pleased.) I would say that we could consider ourselves to be friends again. We worked together for an hour the other day and bascially filled each other in on everything that we have missed. He is going through a lot of stuff right now, so I texted him letting him know that I am always there. After that we talked all sunday night and yesterday. I miss doing that.
I would say that not only are we fine, but me personally. I am completely over it. I also feel like I have returned. I know that I haven't been myself for the last month. I have been cranky, picking fights with people, and just not my normal happy self. But I feel like I am back. It took two months for me to deal with this and be fine. But I am happy that time is now finally here.

I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault

So my life has still been a roller coaster. A few days ago Al and I got in a fight and we both said mean things to each other. It made me feel horrible because in my three years of knowing him we have never fought or really argued. So the next day I apologized and so did he. And he actually said he understood why I had been acting the way that I was. ( Which is a big step for him, he never thought that he had done anything wrong) So I promised that I would be civil at work and he said the same. I didn't say that we should try to be friends because clearly that hasn't worked out too well. So things have been decent. It has just been hard because he clearly doesn't care about our friendship and there have been many times where I have wanted to tell him something but I had to stop myself because I knew he wouldn't care or respond. We have talked to each other everyday for a year, its hard for me to just be ok with not talking at all. But yesterday we had a small text conversation that was not work related and that was started by Al. So I know that he misses our friendship too, though he will never admit it.
And I still do not have a new job and neither does Al. So now I am wondering if this is some sort of groundhog situation. ( groundhog as in the movie) I wonder if God is intentionally not opening doors for us and letting us move on because I was supposed to make things right with Al. Like God is saying " I am going to keep you right here until you do what I want you to do" If that is the case I need to make sure that things stay decent between me and Al so I can get out of penguins. Hopefully that is the case because it is my time to move on.

didn't get it

So I didn't get that job at the elephant bar. I really need to get out of penguins but I know that God knows where I need to be. So This week I have to go back out and get a bunch more applications. Please pray that God will provide a job soon. I really need to get away from Al.

chicken with soy and balsamic dressing

So a little while ago I purchased this book "Harumi's Japanese Home Cooking" on amazon. So I decided that I would try making something from it. So last night I made the chicken with soy and balsamic dressing. Now, I have never made chicken before in my life because I am so afraid of killing someone with salmonella. But I made it and it tasted great and it was fully cooked! Now I feel like a grown woman! haha. My sister loves to help me make things so she helped out as much as she could. Here it is.

So if i'm not you're everything how about I be nothing, Nothing at all to you.

So I told you that I would update you with the al situation, and it has just gotten worse. He stopped talking to me completely outside of work and then one day I came into work and all my coworkers were in an uproar. Apparently he had some girl visit him at work. ( the same work that I happen to work at. Why would you do that?) So after I was told this he texted me the next day saying :
" hey whats up? I just wanted to tell you that I have been hanging out with a friend from highschool and we are going camping together and she brought me lunch the other day and everyone flipped out. So I just wanted to tell you before they said something that wasn't true"
I cannot tell you how pissed and hurt I was. The only time he talked to me was when he wanted to switch with me so he could leave for his trip sooner, so I did because thats what Jesus would do and now I find out that he is going with some girl?? I thought he was going with his boys. Clearly he has been "hanging out" with this girl and it hadn't even been a month since he broke up with me! He has time for this girl but not time to try to still be my friend after he said that was what he wanted? I have clearly been thrown away. So in my immense anger ( that is still inside of me) I texted him telling him he was a dick and to not talk to me. ( this was saturday) unfortunately I was going to have to see him that night because my boss was having a housewarming party. My coworker gayle who I was going with to the party said that she would understand if I didn't want to go. But I told her that I am a big girl and I can't let al run my life. So she and I went to the party knowing fully well that it would be the awkwardness of the century considering I planned to not talk to al.
We got to the party and there wasn't much room to hide. My boss' new place is literally a box. But when I walked in I saw a guy that I knew from highschool and havent seen in years. So that was exciting. ( and it also made me look popular. haha) I met my boss' other friends and then I went back to where gayle and jeff (my boss' little brother) were. And basically with me not talking to al, it was hard for him to get in any conversation. He once asked me if I was the one who drove over there ( since I was the only one not drinking. As always) and I just glared at him ( with daggers in my eyes as gayle said) and muttered yes. ( I told him not to talk to me) So he left shortly there after.
Unfortunately I also had to work with him last night. Thankfully my friends Stacee, Cassandra, and Zoran ( and brenna for a lil bit) came and visited me for a long while. Right off the bat he said "I know you are angry and I am sorry. If you don't want to talk to me tonight or ever I understand" What, did he think that was going to butter me up and soften my heart? False! I said " I told you not to talk to me"
Now, of coarse this is not what Jesus would do. But I am so weak. Time and time again I have tried to make things work and restore some sort of friendship and he just keeps going out of his way to hurt me. Gayle says he just doesn't realize how he is affecting others, but I can't talk to him anymore. Because if I talk to him, I can't help but be nice and then I fall into the same trap of getting hurt.
I don't see how he can just throw me away after everything. But it hurts really bad even when I try to pretend that it doesn't.