well, I did it folks

So, I did what I felt needed to be done. I went and saw my dad. Now, this wasn't just some random decision. I knew for a long time that this is what needed to be done. I know that God didn't want me to be bitter forever and never see him again. It was really hard to tell my mom that I would be seeing him. I have had such a stressful week. She didn't understand. I felt like I was being pulled apart at every limb. There was what I knew God wanted me to do which was see him. And my dad wanted me to see him too. While I didn't want to and my mom definitely didn't want me to. Apparently my decision hurt her. I think she is scared that I would leave her. So there was much tension. But I went through with it and saw him yesterday. I went with my sister and we met him at the restaurant. I couldn't even look at him for a while. Then we awkwardly made small talk. I think he thinks it could be back to the way things could be. And it can't . And it never will be no matter how hard I try. We ate so quickly that the whole thing was over in less than an hour. Thank God! When we left he hugged me and said he loved me. I looked at him and tried to find some emotion, some feeling.. and I couldn't. No words came out. I couldn't even fake it. I didn't say anything back. I feel bad. But it was like I was mute. Then me and beth got out of their as fast as we could. I did what I had to do. I think now that I am not sorry about what had gone on and the fact that my family and life is very different. If none of this had gone down, I would have never know what it was to really have faith and to fully rely on God. I used to be sad that things aren't the way they were, but I really am not anymore. I am ready for new things and a new life that God has in store.