who said that it's better to have loved and lost I wish that I had never loved at all

So I think that i take love for granted. Last week in youth, the missionary girl that we are going to be supporting came and spoke. Missionaries always intrigue me because I just don't see how they can do it. She is a missionary to Thailand and she was talking about how the people there don't know what love is. they are taught to just have good karma for themselves, not think about others. She was saying that they reach out to the people by showing them God's love and people don't understand why she cares about them. If someone does something nice for me I just think.. "oh that's nice" it doesn't puzzle me. I am glad that I live in a country where I know the love of God and where people can love each other. That sounds kind of hippie-ish.. but whatever.

You hold the future in Your hand, You know my dreams and You have a plan

So I started reading Kate Gosselin’s book, Multiple Blessings. She starts the book off with talking about how she has to and always has had to plan everything out. Now, no matter how much I don’t want to be like Kate, I am the same way. I plan out each day. Basically every minute I am planning what I will do next. And when my plans get ruined I am very upset. But she said something that really clicked. She started talking about how her future is very well-planned. I never really thought about that. God is a planner and He has my whole life planned out. It’s weird to think about, but anything that I dream up, or plan is nothing compared to what He has. So I am excited to see how my life will unfold. ( though I really hope that my future doesn’t bring sextuplets like Kate’s did… because I seriously don’t think I could handle it. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t made for that. Haha)

everything everything's magic

So Friday night ended up being quite a surprise. That day I didn’t think I was going to be doing anything really exciting considering work had caused me to miss out on plans. So I got off of work, ate something and Denise decided that we needed to do something. So we decided that we should go see a movie but we couldn’t agree on one. So then she decides that we should just go to Disney land and buy passes. So we just left. It was the most adventurous thing that I have done .. ever. Haha. I haven’t been to Disneyland in ages. It was so amazing. I went on all the rides that had been changed. It hadn’t been the best day, but it was the greatest way to end it… and the happiest place on earth.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like You, cause it gives and it takes away

So I recently purchased a Thrice cd. Not their latest, but the one before that. ( I am behind in buying music) One song stood out to me, it’s called Open Water. That is where the title of this blog is from. In thinking about that I started to compare God to the ocean. Not only does He give and take away, but He is big. Really big. Also, we know a lot about Him, but we still don’t know everything, and we never will. Just like how we can’t control or know what exactly the ocean is going to do at all times, we don’t know what God has planned or what He is going to do. In thinking about that, it reminded me that God is in control and all of this election stuff and the changes that will be happening in our country are in His hands.

you say you want a revolution? Well, you know, we all want to change the world.

Today is election day. my first time ever voting which is kind of cool. It makes me feel grown up and patriotic. I never have gotten into politics before and I really in all honesty don't know too much, but I know enough. I knew that I couldn't just not vote, there were too many issues that were important. And if I didn't vote, I would be held responsible before God. I was scared to go. I hate doing things by myself especially things that I haven't done before, but I did it and I got a sticker. I kind of felt stupid because I didn't know what to do. But how am I supposed to know?! So, we will see what happens. If I watch most of the coverage tonight and write about it, I get extra credit in history. And I really need extra credit, so .. it looks like I will be staying up late.

do you remember when we were just kids and cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss

My cousin just had her first baby a week ago. This is a big deal because this is like the first baby born in our family. You know what I mean? So basically it is going to be spoiled. I am excited for it I really am, but, I am kind of dreading what will come with it. My aunt and uncle constantly bragging. My little cousin thinking she is all big since she is an aunt now. All they care about is themselves. They have nothing more to live for. I wish that circumstances could be better. I wish that I didn’t feel this way. But they haven’t been there for us at all, they are always in their own world, and I just know that it is going to be so nauseating. It’s not the baby’s fault or anything but it’s just going to be tough. I really just don’t understand my extended family at all. Why is it that when people need the most, other people back away? My aunt and uncle also pick my sister up from school sometimes and they will see my father delivering mail and they will just stop to talk to him like they are the best of friends. It upsets my sister and puts her in an awkward situation. They act like everything is okay. I’m not saying they need to hate him, I’m just saying they could think of someone other them themselves for more than two seconds and not have my sister be near my dad for more than she has to. Understanding/really loving them is going to be the next mountain I will have to climb, because it seems like every day they just make it harder and harder. I know that God gave us families for a reason, but I think He gave me mine to show me how they aren’t supposed to be. It’s just weird how things have changed in a short matter of time. They aren’t the family of my childhood anymore. I love this baby she is so beautiful , maybe she will bring our family together. Who knows.

words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

So I realized that October is drawing to an end and soon it will be November. This makes me think of Thanksgiving, which is my second favorite holiday. I know that it is a ways a way, but I was thinking about how I never really stop and think about what I am thankful for. So I decided that I will do that now so I can dwell on it for the month of November. I’m sure that many of you will have the same list. ( note: these are not in any specific order)

1. 1. Jesus and all that he has done for me and is continuing to do

2. 2. My family

3. 3. My friends

4. 4. My job

5. 5. My house

6. 6. My cats ( yes, all 3,000 of them)

7. 7. Cute clothes

8. 8. All things delicious

9. 9. Nail polish

10. 10. Music

11. 11.Books and magazines

12. 12. Fall out boy

13. 13. Electricity

14. 14. The internet

15. 15. Soap

16. 16. Indoor plumbing

17. 17. Hot Australian men

18. 18. The Gosselins ( except for Maddy, and I’m only thankful for Kate since she birthed the children)

19. 19. Sea World ( and most marine life)

20. 20. Disneyland ( even though I haven’t been in forever)

21. 21.Razors

22. 22. Tattoos ( and the artists who give them)

23. 23. My church

24. 24. Underwear

25. 25. Asians ( there are many things in this category including: asian children, the japanese language, their food, chopsticks, technology (esp. ipods and my car) and hello kitty)

26. 26. Pillows

27. 27. Gel pens

28. 28. My children

29. 29. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost

30. 30. Sunglasses and sunblock

31. 31. Hand sanitizer

32. 32. Tooth paste and tooth brushes

33. 33. Unlimited texting

34. 34. Blankets

35. 35. Giraffes

36. 36. Polar bears

37. 37. Toilet paper

I could really go on and on, so I will stop now. I think those are the main points anyway.