I will never end up like him, behind my back I already am

Have you ever got the giggles real bad? Well, I have. The last time, on thursday night worship practice. We all got in a prayer circle getting ready to pray. A lady ( whose name I cannot think of at the moment) was talking about her prayer requests and about how so and so is dying and then my brother just starts to laugh. So, of coarse this makes me laugh. We tried to pull it off like he was choking, but he was still chuckling which made me laugh. Unfortunately I could not contain my laughter and it just kept coming, and the lady just kept talking and then she started to say that her mother was very ill and it was at that moment that I erupted in loud laughter. I felt horrible. I do not know this lady, she has just got on the worship team as a backup singer and now she must think that I am a horrible person. But she just went on and on. Finally we started praying after what seemed like forever! I was biting down on my gum so hard as to not laugh again.. It was really really bad.

today

The church business meeting is today and I will be voting. This is something new. It is going to be very strange, my whole life I have just felt like I am a child. Growing up in the church I was always known as Ruben’s kid. That was my identity. When I started to play bass, I relayed on my father to show me exactly what to play. I got away with things because my dad was on staff, and now he is gone. And I realize that I do not have a knowledge of music and I am no longer a dependent child. It is my time to step up and realize that I am an adult and I have to do my part as a member of the church that I have been going to my entire life.

I want everything to change and stay the same

it seems as of lately everything in my life is changing. There is just a lot of suddle change. And things that I thought would happen are tuning out not only to not happen, but to have the strangest result. It seems like everyday there is a new surprise... a weird turn of events. I don't know. I guess I just feel like God is really testing me to make sure that I am fully relying on Him because I don't know where anything is going.

It’s ok if you break, you’ll see colors again

So pretty soon it will be the month of February and so that means I have failed at the memorize two Bible verses a month thing. I only memorized one. I memorized Isaiah 41:10. ( And also got it tattooed on me) It goes like this:

So do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

I think that is a very important verse to learn. I wanted to know it because when hard, scary, or stressful times come, I want to remember that He will help me through. It is easy for us to pray for God to deliver us from the problems, but it never seems to happen that way. Joel Osteen says, “Faith doesn’t always deliver you, but it will always carry you through.”

I have yet to decide what I will memorize next,.. but I have to figure it out soon!

You can bow and pretend that you don’t know you’re a legend

So the other night I went out with my friend to a dance show at el camino college. She had to go because of the class she is taking. So we went… it was all modern dance. Now, I know that I am not all artsy and junk, but … I just didn’t get it. It looked like a bunch of women who were told to make up a dance on the spot. And they love to touch each other. It was very hard to keep the laughter down. And at times it was hard to stay awake. I know my friend felt awful for making me go… but it was an experience.

daddy said you gotta show the world the thunder

The other day on myspace I read a survey. One of the questions was, “ Do you think you are anything like the person you were a year ago?” The answer was no and I thought about it. Am I anything like I was a year ago? The answer was also no. At first I wanted to say yes because year after year if I were to have been asked that question, the answer would have been yes, that I was always the same. But the past two years, I have done a lot of changing. In the year that just passed my view of life and love have changed. Normally I think of change as a bad thing. I’m really not a fan of it. But when I really thought of it, I want my answer to that question every year to be a no. I want to always be changing and moving forward. The only way to become a better person is to change. So if that’s what it takes, then so be it.

you tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down

With all the talk of new years resolutions.. I feel like I should have my say. One of my new years resolutions would be to compliment more. It's not that I'm not a positive person.. it's just that I don't voice it all the time. I might want to compliment someone... but if it is not convenient at the time to tell the person.. then I don't do it. It never hurts to hear something positive. One day I had just come into work and my coworker Gayle was helping someone. She made a cone for her and I noticed that it was a very nice cone. Cones aren't as easy to make as it looks. So I told her it was a nice cone. She stopped and said that was the nicest thing she had heard all day. And she began to tell me about her horrible day. That little compliment just helped her out so much. And it wasn't even that big of a deal. So I will try harder to voice positive things. That is a goal of mine this year.