This operation's been abandoned once again

So I failed the special k challenge. Haha. I didn’t finish it. I had like 5 days to go. I only lost like one pound. It really wasn’t worth it. I also found myself gorging when it came to dinner because that is the only time that I could eat something not special k related. Haha. Now, I know what you are all thinking.. I know that I don’t need to lose weight. So it’s not like it’s a big deal. But I would like to get rid of the pooch. And that is why I did it. I guess I just need to do 1,000 crunches a day. My coworker says that is what Britney Spears does. Haha. So we will see how that works out. Don’t think that I don’t appreciate myself, because I do. But if I find an opportunity to make myself better, I will take it. So I am going to be eating normally again, well, maybe not like I used to. But we will see what happens.

it's not my fault i'm such an aweful mess and more

So last night I finished my Bible study homework. There was a section about the sins u know are sins and the things you know that you need to do but don't. I realized there are many things that I'm not doing.. more than what I do actually do. haha I think it will always be this way.. but it is kind of overwhelming!

and don't u know that it's just you, hey jude, you'll do. The movement you need is on your shoulder

So lately I have been realizing the importance of myself. I know that might sound weird.. but it doesn't to me. I have realized that God can do many many things for me.. but there are somethings I have to do myself. One of these things is being confident in who I am. now I know that i am amazing and all, but I really need to focus on that. I think so many times I think too much about what others will think. This reminds me of the newest falloutboy single I don't Care. The lyrics say "i don't care what u think as long as it's about me" These are very pete wentz lyrics. And at first I was appalled. How could someone say that? and then i realized i just cared too much . I need to recognize MY feelings. Don't those matter? They should.. and to me. I need to just take a stand and live my life. Not caring what others think and not caring about what others will do. I also realized that I am scared to disappoint people or have people disappoint me. After everything with my dad went down, I have felt like I can't trust. Especially I can't even think about commitment. Like I know that I want to get married someday but I just feel like what's the point. Both my grandma and mother had their husbands leave them, why shouldn't I? I know that is wrong thinking but it was always in the back of my mind. Me and a coworker were talking (her bf just cheated on her) and she was saying that she knows that she can't just live in fear. She knows that she did all she could for that relationship and that was that. All we can do is be the best that we can be. I think that is true. I can't hold myself back from experiencing things. So that is what I will be working on .

chasing a lion in a hardcore pit on a windy day

So last night was the start of our Bible study. It will about chasing the lions in our lives. I have had the privilege to chase two lions all within a matter of two weeks. The first being meeting with my father and the second I chased last night on the way home.. when I was peer pressured by denise and bridget to get on the freeway.. something I have never done. Though I know I need to and want to.. it scared me. But I did it and survived to tell about it. I really like this chasing lion thing.. though it makes me want to puke. Afterward I feel all better.
Another thing that I really like is hardcore shows. I have been to one every week for the last 3 weeks. I am extremely amused by the hardcore "dancing" or whatever u want to call it these days. It never fails to make me laugh. I often think about when I have children what they will be doing at these sort of things. The scene has changed so drastically from when I was 12 and going all the time. For instance nobody sweated on me and I still look nice with my hair in place. Not to mention I am wearing a very cute sweater that I wore inside and did not get too hot. I love the fact that the room is filled with boys my age with sagging tight pants, stretched ears, and hair all over the place. From hardcore shows I have learned the importance of fellow females. At these things we are the minority and it feels good to have someone like u there. Though this also presents a problem. Every girl is trying to be the cutest and thinking the other is a slut. Everyone is territorial of the boys that aren't even ours.. but we wish they were.. and that is why we go.

our lives in general are one in the same

So I have had an amazing weekend so far. Last night I saw Mxpx for the third time. it was so grand I can't even explain it. They never let me down. They always deliver a great show with great songs and ... of course.... the bass toss! It's classic and amazing. I wish I had that many basses,, so that I could throw them around.. but sadly I am not mike. And it was soo completely adorable.. this guy came up on stage and proposed to his girlfriend. It was so magical! It was a great night. We were in the very front and then afterwards we got to talk to them. But now I am tired.. so I will go.

could it be the weather?

so today is one of those days where I just woke up irritated. Maybe it had to do with the fact that there is still construction being done and I still can't park by my house... idk. I just can't wait till after school tomorrow.. and then it's party time!!!

I love the word glorious

I love this song by David Crowder. It makes me happy to remember Who made me.

Everything Glorious

The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than it's hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory
You are glorious You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe that


You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious.
You are glorious. You are glorious.

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours