and don't u know that it's just you, hey jude, you'll do. The movement you need is on your shoulder

So lately I have been realizing the importance of myself. I know that might sound weird.. but it doesn't to me. I have realized that God can do many many things for me.. but there are somethings I have to do myself. One of these things is being confident in who I am. now I know that i am amazing and all, but I really need to focus on that. I think so many times I think too much about what others will think. This reminds me of the newest falloutboy single I don't Care. The lyrics say "i don't care what u think as long as it's about me" These are very pete wentz lyrics. And at first I was appalled. How could someone say that? and then i realized i just cared too much . I need to recognize MY feelings. Don't those matter? They should.. and to me. I need to just take a stand and live my life. Not caring what others think and not caring about what others will do. I also realized that I am scared to disappoint people or have people disappoint me. After everything with my dad went down, I have felt like I can't trust. Especially I can't even think about commitment. Like I know that I want to get married someday but I just feel like what's the point. Both my grandma and mother had their husbands leave them, why shouldn't I? I know that is wrong thinking but it was always in the back of my mind. Me and a coworker were talking (her bf just cheated on her) and she was saying that she knows that she can't just live in fear. She knows that she did all she could for that relationship and that was that. All we can do is be the best that we can be. I think that is true. I can't hold myself back from experiencing things. So that is what I will be working on .

chasing a lion in a hardcore pit on a windy day

So last night was the start of our Bible study. It will about chasing the lions in our lives. I have had the privilege to chase two lions all within a matter of two weeks. The first being meeting with my father and the second I chased last night on the way home.. when I was peer pressured by denise and bridget to get on the freeway.. something I have never done. Though I know I need to and want to.. it scared me. But I did it and survived to tell about it. I really like this chasing lion thing.. though it makes me want to puke. Afterward I feel all better.
Another thing that I really like is hardcore shows. I have been to one every week for the last 3 weeks. I am extremely amused by the hardcore "dancing" or whatever u want to call it these days. It never fails to make me laugh. I often think about when I have children what they will be doing at these sort of things. The scene has changed so drastically from when I was 12 and going all the time. For instance nobody sweated on me and I still look nice with my hair in place. Not to mention I am wearing a very cute sweater that I wore inside and did not get too hot. I love the fact that the room is filled with boys my age with sagging tight pants, stretched ears, and hair all over the place. From hardcore shows I have learned the importance of fellow females. At these things we are the minority and it feels good to have someone like u there. Though this also presents a problem. Every girl is trying to be the cutest and thinking the other is a slut. Everyone is territorial of the boys that aren't even ours.. but we wish they were.. and that is why we go.

our lives in general are one in the same

So I have had an amazing weekend so far. Last night I saw Mxpx for the third time. it was so grand I can't even explain it. They never let me down. They always deliver a great show with great songs and ... of course.... the bass toss! It's classic and amazing. I wish I had that many basses,, so that I could throw them around.. but sadly I am not mike. And it was soo completely adorable.. this guy came up on stage and proposed to his girlfriend. It was so magical! It was a great night. We were in the very front and then afterwards we got to talk to them. But now I am tired.. so I will go.

could it be the weather?

so today is one of those days where I just woke up irritated. Maybe it had to do with the fact that there is still construction being done and I still can't park by my house... idk. I just can't wait till after school tomorrow.. and then it's party time!!!

I love the word glorious

I love this song by David Crowder. It makes me happy to remember Who made me.

Everything Glorious

The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than it's hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory
You are glorious You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe that


You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious.
You are glorious. You are glorious.

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

well, I did it folks

So, I did what I felt needed to be done. I went and saw my dad. Now, this wasn't just some random decision. I knew for a long time that this is what needed to be done. I know that God didn't want me to be bitter forever and never see him again. It was really hard to tell my mom that I would be seeing him. I have had such a stressful week. She didn't understand. I felt like I was being pulled apart at every limb. There was what I knew God wanted me to do which was see him. And my dad wanted me to see him too. While I didn't want to and my mom definitely didn't want me to. Apparently my decision hurt her. I think she is scared that I would leave her. So there was much tension. But I went through with it and saw him yesterday. I went with my sister and we met him at the restaurant. I couldn't even look at him for a while. Then we awkwardly made small talk. I think he thinks it could be back to the way things could be. And it can't . And it never will be no matter how hard I try. We ate so quickly that the whole thing was over in less than an hour. Thank God! When we left he hugged me and said he loved me. I looked at him and tried to find some emotion, some feeling.. and I couldn't. No words came out. I couldn't even fake it. I didn't say anything back. I feel bad. But it was like I was mute. Then me and beth got out of their as fast as we could. I did what I had to do. I think now that I am not sorry about what had gone on and the fact that my family and life is very different. If none of this had gone down, I would have never know what it was to really have faith and to fully rely on God. I used to be sad that things aren't the way they were, but I really am not anymore. I am ready for new things and a new life that God has in store.

blogging

I enjoy blogging because I love to hear all the knowledge and advice that everyone has to offer me. I really appreciate it.