well, I did it folks

So, I did what I felt needed to be done. I went and saw my dad. Now, this wasn't just some random decision. I knew for a long time that this is what needed to be done. I know that God didn't want me to be bitter forever and never see him again. It was really hard to tell my mom that I would be seeing him. I have had such a stressful week. She didn't understand. I felt like I was being pulled apart at every limb. There was what I knew God wanted me to do which was see him. And my dad wanted me to see him too. While I didn't want to and my mom definitely didn't want me to. Apparently my decision hurt her. I think she is scared that I would leave her. So there was much tension. But I went through with it and saw him yesterday. I went with my sister and we met him at the restaurant. I couldn't even look at him for a while. Then we awkwardly made small talk. I think he thinks it could be back to the way things could be. And it can't . And it never will be no matter how hard I try. We ate so quickly that the whole thing was over in less than an hour. Thank God! When we left he hugged me and said he loved me. I looked at him and tried to find some emotion, some feeling.. and I couldn't. No words came out. I couldn't even fake it. I didn't say anything back. I feel bad. But it was like I was mute. Then me and beth got out of their as fast as we could. I did what I had to do. I think now that I am not sorry about what had gone on and the fact that my family and life is very different. If none of this had gone down, I would have never know what it was to really have faith and to fully rely on God. I used to be sad that things aren't the way they were, but I really am not anymore. I am ready for new things and a new life that God has in store.

blogging

I enjoy blogging because I love to hear all the knowledge and advice that everyone has to offer me. I really appreciate it.

maybe whale training isn't my calling?

So today I got my first paper back in english. It was a timed in-class essay. Marie Barteld is my teacher so I would joke around with my brother that I have to get an "a" in her class because she knows me. haha. But I got my paper back and she said it was a perfect paper the best she has read so far! geez! And there were no grammatical errors at all so when the other students were fixing what they did wrong, I had nothing to do. haha. So that made me feel good. And she thinks that I should definitely do something with writing in my life... I never told her how I thought about changing majors... so.. now, idk what I should do

and so it goes

so i have been making improvements on my problem. Of course I know it is gonna be a gradual thing, but what I have realized is that some of the people that are the hardest to love, ... are those related to me. This is indeed a problem but all I can do is keep asking God to help me love people like He loves me. That is what I am working on now.

I get by with a little help from my friends

So I have had an issue.. a problem that I just can't seem to get over. And I really need to get over it in order for me to have a better relationship with God, which is what I really want. My problem... : I really don't like people. .. Oh of course I like my friends.. and the people who tip at work.. but other than that... I really don't like people. I think they are stupid and rude. I know some persons like people.. like Denise and my mom .. oh and Jesus... and I just don't. I have tried to like people, I really have. I have prayed to God to change my heart.. but I need help. If u think about it please pray for me. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until the other day. I was reading the Bible. Luke 23. And I came to the part where Jesus is being crucified and he says, " Father forgive them for they know not what they do." and I wanted to throw up. I was so disgusted with myself. Here Jesus has people treating him so inhumanely it's indescribable and he wants to forgive them. And I am treated badly by a customer and I want to write off all humanity and never deal with them again. I just don't understand it. Clearly there is something wrong... and I am ready for it to be right. But it is very very hard.

That's what she said

So basically I have been watching season 4 of the office on dvd... and I really can't wait til season 5! I really love that show.. it always makes me happy..( thanks goes to candice for introducing me)

Things r looking up

So I know a few posts ago I was talking about a new job.. well, now it looks as if I won't need one. Basically my boss is letting me have the perfect schedule and I am working some major hours but I get the two days I am at school off. So it is really helping a lot. And he is nice to me now! He used to be such a jerk... and only to me! But now everything is all good.. it makes me happy... oh and ... I officially have 5 cats! ( that is what happens when your mom finds cats.. brings them home.. tried to force them on people.. and then they can't take care of them) just to let u know!



that is what all the cats do... they come to my mom