words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

So I realized that October is drawing to an end and soon it will be November. This makes me think of Thanksgiving, which is my second favorite holiday. I know that it is a ways a way, but I was thinking about how I never really stop and think about what I am thankful for. So I decided that I will do that now so I can dwell on it for the month of November. I’m sure that many of you will have the same list. ( note: these are not in any specific order)

1. 1. Jesus and all that he has done for me and is continuing to do

2. 2. My family

3. 3. My friends

4. 4. My job

5. 5. My house

6. 6. My cats ( yes, all 3,000 of them)

7. 7. Cute clothes

8. 8. All things delicious

9. 9. Nail polish

10. 10. Music

11. 11.Books and magazines

12. 12. Fall out boy

13. 13. Electricity

14. 14. The internet

15. 15. Soap

16. 16. Indoor plumbing

17. 17. Hot Australian men

18. 18. The Gosselins ( except for Maddy, and I’m only thankful for Kate since she birthed the children)

19. 19. Sea World ( and most marine life)

20. 20. Disneyland ( even though I haven’t been in forever)

21. 21.Razors

22. 22. Tattoos ( and the artists who give them)

23. 23. My church

24. 24. Underwear

25. 25. Asians ( there are many things in this category including: asian children, the japanese language, their food, chopsticks, technology (esp. ipods and my car) and hello kitty)

26. 26. Pillows

27. 27. Gel pens

28. 28. My children

29. 29. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost

30. 30. Sunglasses and sunblock

31. 31. Hand sanitizer

32. 32. Tooth paste and tooth brushes

33. 33. Unlimited texting

34. 34. Blankets

35. 35. Giraffes

36. 36. Polar bears

37. 37. Toilet paper

I could really go on and on, so I will stop now. I think those are the main points anyway.

I should have known better with a girl like you, that I would love everything that you do, and I do, hey hey hey, and I do!

Yes, so, this is yet another blog about myself. I know that is weird but I think I have finally realized what it is to truly understand the importance of myself and how I truly am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have struggled with self-esteem all throughout jr.high and high school and I have dealt with it pretty well in my college life so far, but now I think I am completely done with that. I have realized that the best thing that I could ever do for myself is to… be myself. Lately I have been comparing myself. Seeing what others have, but not taking into consideration what I have. It would really get me down. But then I realized that everyone has things to offer, including myself. And the things that make me different from others is what makes me, me. And people will appreciate those things, maybe not everyone in the same way, but some will. And that is what is important. God didn’t make one person and say this is the image we must live up to. He made us differently so we could be different. I am thankful that I am not like everyone else. I think that if everyone gets that into their head, then things will be a lot different. There was a book I read a while ago called, the Dashwood Sister’s Secrets of Love. (It’s some girly book) But there was a quote from it that I thought was cute, “Love is a bit like a doodle by Van Gogh, your lopsided circle could be a masterpiece to someone else.” I know this is dealing with love, but I think that it could also just be in general. Some of the things that I don’t think are very special about me ( like the fact that I giggle.. like mickey mouse) people take notice of. I think the little different things about us are God’s little details that He had fun putting in His children.

we're only good for the latest trends (fall out blog)

So Fall Out Boy has put up 3 new songs from their upcoming album on itunes so you can purchase them early. This is great fun not only for me, but for them, because they know that they are making money off of people like me who can’t just wait to buy the cd, but must buy the songs now, for .99 cents each. I know that it is a rip off.. but I just couldn’t help myself! I love them so! Each one of the songs is very different from the other and from what FOB normally does. Though they are different, doesn’t mean they aren’t good. They are. Very much so in fact and I like them very much. They will get ridiculed I know. I don’t understand why people can’t just accept it when a band goes a different way. Music is an expression of one’s self. Peoples tastes change. This is what happens. It is the band’s music and they should be able to explore if they want to. You can’t expect them to continue to sound exactly like they did 7 years ago when they started. They are being influenced by different things then they were then. So I am excited to see what all they will provide for us with the rest of their new album. But until then,… I will do with the 3 that I have now.

This operation's been abandoned once again

So I failed the special k challenge. Haha. I didn’t finish it. I had like 5 days to go. I only lost like one pound. It really wasn’t worth it. I also found myself gorging when it came to dinner because that is the only time that I could eat something not special k related. Haha. Now, I know what you are all thinking.. I know that I don’t need to lose weight. So it’s not like it’s a big deal. But I would like to get rid of the pooch. And that is why I did it. I guess I just need to do 1,000 crunches a day. My coworker says that is what Britney Spears does. Haha. So we will see how that works out. Don’t think that I don’t appreciate myself, because I do. But if I find an opportunity to make myself better, I will take it. So I am going to be eating normally again, well, maybe not like I used to. But we will see what happens.

it's not my fault i'm such an aweful mess and more

So last night I finished my Bible study homework. There was a section about the sins u know are sins and the things you know that you need to do but don't. I realized there are many things that I'm not doing.. more than what I do actually do. haha I think it will always be this way.. but it is kind of overwhelming!

and don't u know that it's just you, hey jude, you'll do. The movement you need is on your shoulder

So lately I have been realizing the importance of myself. I know that might sound weird.. but it doesn't to me. I have realized that God can do many many things for me.. but there are somethings I have to do myself. One of these things is being confident in who I am. now I know that i am amazing and all, but I really need to focus on that. I think so many times I think too much about what others will think. This reminds me of the newest falloutboy single I don't Care. The lyrics say "i don't care what u think as long as it's about me" These are very pete wentz lyrics. And at first I was appalled. How could someone say that? and then i realized i just cared too much . I need to recognize MY feelings. Don't those matter? They should.. and to me. I need to just take a stand and live my life. Not caring what others think and not caring about what others will do. I also realized that I am scared to disappoint people or have people disappoint me. After everything with my dad went down, I have felt like I can't trust. Especially I can't even think about commitment. Like I know that I want to get married someday but I just feel like what's the point. Both my grandma and mother had their husbands leave them, why shouldn't I? I know that is wrong thinking but it was always in the back of my mind. Me and a coworker were talking (her bf just cheated on her) and she was saying that she knows that she can't just live in fear. She knows that she did all she could for that relationship and that was that. All we can do is be the best that we can be. I think that is true. I can't hold myself back from experiencing things. So that is what I will be working on .

chasing a lion in a hardcore pit on a windy day

So last night was the start of our Bible study. It will about chasing the lions in our lives. I have had the privilege to chase two lions all within a matter of two weeks. The first being meeting with my father and the second I chased last night on the way home.. when I was peer pressured by denise and bridget to get on the freeway.. something I have never done. Though I know I need to and want to.. it scared me. But I did it and survived to tell about it. I really like this chasing lion thing.. though it makes me want to puke. Afterward I feel all better.
Another thing that I really like is hardcore shows. I have been to one every week for the last 3 weeks. I am extremely amused by the hardcore "dancing" or whatever u want to call it these days. It never fails to make me laugh. I often think about when I have children what they will be doing at these sort of things. The scene has changed so drastically from when I was 12 and going all the time. For instance nobody sweated on me and I still look nice with my hair in place. Not to mention I am wearing a very cute sweater that I wore inside and did not get too hot. I love the fact that the room is filled with boys my age with sagging tight pants, stretched ears, and hair all over the place. From hardcore shows I have learned the importance of fellow females. At these things we are the minority and it feels good to have someone like u there. Though this also presents a problem. Every girl is trying to be the cutest and thinking the other is a slut. Everyone is territorial of the boys that aren't even ours.. but we wish they were.. and that is why we go.

our lives in general are one in the same

So I have had an amazing weekend so far. Last night I saw Mxpx for the third time. it was so grand I can't even explain it. They never let me down. They always deliver a great show with great songs and ... of course.... the bass toss! It's classic and amazing. I wish I had that many basses,, so that I could throw them around.. but sadly I am not mike. And it was soo completely adorable.. this guy came up on stage and proposed to his girlfriend. It was so magical! It was a great night. We were in the very front and then afterwards we got to talk to them. But now I am tired.. so I will go.

could it be the weather?

so today is one of those days where I just woke up irritated. Maybe it had to do with the fact that there is still construction being done and I still can't park by my house... idk. I just can't wait till after school tomorrow.. and then it's party time!!!